


Mama Milkovich

by Icalia248



Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Abuse, Angst, Drugs, Other, Suicide, milkovich childhood
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-06
Updated: 2015-03-06
Packaged: 2018-03-16 15:50:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,016
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3494036
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Icalia248/pseuds/Icalia248
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mickey thinks of the last memory he has of his mother</p>
            </blockquote>





	Mama Milkovich

**Author's Note:**

> I've always been curious about mama milkovich and for some reason this has always been in my head. Although it's something some might find hard to read i hope you'll give it a chance.

Just because he didn't talk about her doesn't mean she didn't exist or that he didn't love her because he did, he honestly loved her. The first person he could ever really say he loved back then.

That doesn't mean she didn't hurt him because she did. She made him love her. But she didn't even think about the repercussions of what she had made him do would have on her supposed-ed favorite son. 

The truth is their mother never wanted to be tied down to Terry, she felt a pang of disgust towards her children because they simply shared his dna. Even though she knew they were young and had no concept of what effect they had on her, seeing the features of the man that continued to abuse her time and time again made her want to turn away whenever they cried out for her. And that hurt her that she couldn't fully love her own children, she couldn't be a normal mother to them.

She wanted to love her kids, she did love them but she had to numb herself so that hatred wouldn't seep through just to function as a somewhat normal appearing parent. That scared her and in turn made her turn to the drugs. Anything she could get her hands on really pot, pills, acid you name it she'd done it. Mickey was just a young child when she started to spiral yet he'd always been the one to witness it. 

He didn't know why, she probably didn't even know why but Mickey was the child she seemed to be the most comfortable with. He was the one she could show affection, albeit limited but still there.

Mickey wonders if somehow even back then before such a thing was even a blip on his radar if she'd known he was different. That his father would one day be disgusted with him and she sensed that so she tried harder in her own way with him to be a mother, to show him love.

She was a good mother considering. She would smile and show interest in their interests, for a moment being able to be perceived like those moms you'd seen on tv growing up.

But then the other times where Terry was beating her, forcing her she'd return to that numb being who needed the drugs just to once again be able to look her children in the eyes.

Mickey doesn't even know his own birthday or rather he forgets it but he remembers the day that his mother couldn't take it anymore, vivid and clear like it had just happened rather than years ago.

He still doesn't fully understand why him.

Mickey had seen his mother take her own life, a suicide by proxy.

Terry had roughed her up pretty bad and she was already on something at the time but Mickey could sense something was different this time.

She had come down to his eye level and just stared into his eyes for what seemed like an eternity. He didn't say anything and although just a kid he had seen not exactly this but things like it play out before.

She took him by the arm and lead him to the bathroom, sat him on the side of the tub. She rummaged through the multiple bottles of pills in the cabinet behind the mirror pulling pill after pill.

_"mama can't take it anymore" _she said.__

She'd never referred to herself that way nor did she let Mickey or the others call her that.

Mickey wanted to try and get her to calm down but he froze.

_"I need you to do something for me okay?" _She said looking into his eyes, pleading _"Can you do it?"_ __

Mickey didn't want to but that look in her eyes spoke without words to him. She was broken, too broken to be fixed.

He watched her turn on the water to fill the tub and then she took pill after pill after pill and waited for it to fill.

She had a serene look on her face as Mickey watched her.

_"It always had to be you" _She said as she stepped into the tub.__

It seemed like time stretched. He wondered why no one else was around, why couldn't he bring himself to refuse. 

He noticed her start to go unconscious and he knew without her directly telling him what she wanted him to do. So he did, he held her under the water and though he knew exactly what he was doing to her he didn't try to stop it was what she wanted.

He had killed his mother, a suicide by proxy but it was still by his hands. And after he was already sure she was gone did he finally allow himself to let the tears stream down his face.

The only person he had known to love him, despite her discomfort towards her children but he knew that she loved him he had always known.

His only source of love and it was gone.

Mickey's afraid to talk about his mother, he's afraid to open that wound because it's a wound that will never heal no matter what you try to fill it with.

And what scares him most is that he would still heed her wish even now, because that look before she went unconscious didn't have fear or hatred but pure love and gratitude. He was on the receiving end of that look and no matter how disturbed it might be he treasured that.

He had set her free of all her suffering and she conveyed he thankfulness to him in just that last moment.

Mickey had just figured out when he'd gotten older the full extent of what he had done for her. Although it hurt and he'd still wish she'd been around longer he never felt any ill intent towards her doing it in that manner. He'd always love her no matter if he'd talk about her or never speak of her again and he knew that she's unconditionally loved him always.


End file.
